Your complete guide to attending an Assamese wedding. Get comfy, we’ve got info. (Seriously, there are even clickable links. Get clickin’!)
Tuesday, February 19
Mehendi (Meh-hen-dee)
Who: All women who are considered close friends and family. Essentially, any woman who is travelling on behalf of the bride is invited to participate, and all travelling on behalf of the bride (men included) are invited to attend/observe. This is cultural, not religious, and not a formal part of the marriage customs, so there is no obligation to attend.
What: Henna application
When: Tuesday afternoon around noon
Where: Abir’s house
Wear: Anything you want, as long as there is access to your arms up to the elbow and your feet to the knee. We cannot guarantee everyone will have henna done, because the focus is on the bride and immediate family. If you don’t fall into that category, you just need your hands to your wrist accessible.
Why: Though there is religious and cultural significance, in this case it is mostly done because it is fun and pretty, and is not actually part of a traditional Assamese ceremony. The cultural belief is that the darker the henna, the more the groom will love the bride, so we predict a very loving marriage!
Wednesday, February 20
Juroon (Joo-roon)
Who: Women only, and the bride’s male family members. In this case, it will be everyone travelling on behalf of the bride.
What: This is the main pre-wedding ceremony akin to a bridal shower. The groom's mother along with the other female members of the family arrive at the bride's house, or in this case, “house”. All along the journey, traditional wedding songs (called biya naam) are sung. At the entrance, the groom's party is greeted warmly by the bride's mother and other female relatives amidst sounds of ululations. The bride's mother holds a xorai (hoar-i) containing betel nut and leaves covered with a gamusa (ga-moo-sah) (traditional Assamese towel). The groom's mother gifts her the wedding attire (the traditional Assamese two-piece sari called mekhela saador) along with her bridal trousseau (an odd number of clothes). The bride is also presented with a number of jewelry sets and the complete make-up kit. Every single object is touched by the groom before it is packed for the bride.
When: 10:15-11:45 AM to start (this is an auspicious time determined by the Rajkhowa family priest using astrological information)
Where: Shoolin Grand Hotel
Wear: The women in the bride’s family will be wearing mekhela saador but you can wear either Indian or Western wear. We verified that the level of fanciness is “going to dinner at a decently nice restaurant.” If you are opting for Indian clothes, a salwar, or sari is the best bet. You will likely be sitting on the floor at some point during this ceremony, so keep that in mind when purchasing. If you’re a man, we have no advice other than “go for the nice restaurant dinner look”, because men are not normally invited to this event. Sorry about that, but no doubt you’ll all look lovely!
Why: To help join the two families and celebrate the bride and the role her family had in raising her. It also allows the Tel Diya (tell dee-ya) to be performed. In the Tel Diya ceremony, the mother-in-law puts a betel nut on the bride’s head and pours oil on it three times. She then puts vermillion on her head. She is also given other gifts which the bride accepts by touching them. The bride then seeks blessings from the elders of the groom’s family. The mother of the groom gifts something special to the mother of the bride to show gratitude to her for bringing up a beautiful daughter.
Cocktail Party
Who: Family and friends of the bride and groom (so, you, if you’re reading this).
What: A cocktail party with a 15- min Western wedding ceremony to kick it off
When: The night of the 20th, 7:00-12
Where: Socialite Guwahati
Wear: Anything fancy that makes you feel festive - Western wear or Indian wear. Liz will wear a very fancy lehenga.
Why: To spend extra time with all the close friends/family, especially those who have travelled from very far away! Also, we’ll be mixing a few Western traditions into the cocktail party — come check it out.
Thursday, February 21
Paani Tula (Pah-nee Too-la)/Nuoni (Nuo-nee)
Private religious rituals done only by the bride and groom’s immediate families. Closed to other guests.
Biya (Bee-ya)
Who: All are invited to watch the Biya. Members of both the bride’s and groom’s families need to participate at different points in the ceremony. Moms, Dads, bride and groom, “dora dhora” (best man) and bride’s sister all sit on stage around the holy fire for the duration of the ceremony, or “pooja”.
What: The marriage ceremony.
When: Abir will leave his house in a procession at 12:30 pm. The ceremony itself is expected to take about 2 ½ hours. This is because Abir’s family belongs to a certain “verse” of a veda, which is the Hindu religious text. Therefore, there are additional rituals that have to be performed. As such, you are *NOT* expected to be present the entire time. You can move around, get up and get water, go to the bathroom, take a break, etc. If not for you, at least do it for us—we’re going to be up there a long time! Even those who are on stage/participating at various points in time are free to move around, so please, take advantage! This ritual concludes with the Saaptapadi, or seven steps, which is akin to vows in a Western ceremony.
Where: Green Lawn at Greenwood Resort
Wear: Something fancy, if you want to wear Indian clothes, this is the time to do so. Otherwise, feel free to wear Western wear. There will also be limited time and facilities to change between the ceremony and reception, so we recommend wearing your reception outfit to the ceremony. This will take place on a stage and there will be chairs, so no need to worry about sitting on the ground.
Why: To get married!
Reception
Who: One thousand of your closest friends. No joke!
What: A reception to give well wishes to the bride and groom. In an Assamese wedding, the reception generally functions like a giant receiving line at a Western wedding. So, while there will be 1000 people throughout the event, there will not be 1000 people at the same time. Typically people who are not close to the couple (work friends of parents, members of the temple, parents’ social connections) will stop by, wish them well, have some food from the buffet and leave. After the wellwishers taper off, music, dancing, and general fun begin for about 100-200 people.
When: Begins roughly 4:30 pm and will go til around 11.
Where: Green Lawn at Greenwood Resort, same as the ceremony
Wear: Fancy fun stuff! Western or Indian clothes are fine, take your pick. You will see people who just stopped in to say a quick congratulations and leave on their way to or from somewhere, so be prepared to see everything from elaborate lehengas to jeans and a t-shirt. However, if you’re a guest of the bride and groom directly, wear fun stuff. Not sure if you’re a “direct invite”? You’re reading this, so consider yourself in the “fun and semi-fancy” clothing category.
Why: To celebrate! In America, the wedding is for the couple, in India it’s for the guests and the community, so prepare for lots of fun.
